my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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