after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
