As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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