Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
