you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
