just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Watching her eat just hurts me
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Randomize
