you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
