My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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