I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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