Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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