I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
