Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
