conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
