; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I think I died a long time ago.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
