she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Randomize
