I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
