Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
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