I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize