I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
