so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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