i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
