shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
