he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
