Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
