What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
