I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
