Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
