The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
