How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
