I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
