if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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