i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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