shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
