i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
