I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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