so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
