I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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