I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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