Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
