Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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