I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
