He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
im holly from the hills drunk
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
