If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
