i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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