you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
ok first of all what the fuck
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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