He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
