This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
