i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize