if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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