Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
she peed on how many people?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
