I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
