threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I need a burrito and a hug.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
