So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
