My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
