News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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