How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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