i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize