Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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