If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I just threw up on my dentist
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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