I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
