do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize