Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He better not be in your backpack
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
