Define "chronic" masturbator.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Man, jail baloney is awful.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
