and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
