At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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