a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
