Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
