When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
