I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
