Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
