I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
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