I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
