and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
