So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
pray to the hookup gods
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
