I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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