First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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