she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
