I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
