You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
