A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
